(KRON) — Got a problem with squatters? A Bay Area man wielding a Samurai sword and trained in mixed martial arts could be the solution. ASAP Squatter Removal advertises itself as the “#1 squatter removal service” and according to its website, removes squatters “in the Northern California area.”
The company’s website shows ASAP Squatter Removal’s CEO, James Jacobs, armed with a Samurai sword, some kind of grenade, and looking like he’s ready to do some serious damage to any unwelcome visitor living rent-free. The service advertises itself as having a 95% success rate, “making us the most reliable service in the industry.”
Based in San Francisco, Jacobs advertises his service as “the only squatter removal service that actively defends your property.”
“While others rely solely on law enforcement relationships — often leading to delays and failed removals — we bring real-world combat training and experience to the table,” the website says. “Our team leader has over 20 years of mixed martial arts expertise, advanced melee weapons training and four years of NRA & USCCA certification, ensuring both strategic and physical preparedness for any situation.”
As you might expect, removing squatters can be “unpredictable,” as the company states on its website. Some squatter groups even “operate as organized crime,” it goes on to say.
Not to worry, however, as ASAP Squatter Removal is prepared with “professional-grade tactical gear to secure your property against potential threats.” What kind of gear you ask? According to the company website:
- Firearms
- Ballistic full-body armor
- Flash bangs and smoke grenades
- Tear gas
- Custom ammunition and tactical gear
“With ASAP Squatter Removal, you’re not just hiring a service—you’re securing your property, your investment, and your peace of mind with professionals who are ready for anything,” the website says.
The company also boasts its own Yelp page which features a handful of 5-star reviews.
“I was faced with a very difficult squatter situation and no help from local law enforcement,” read one. “ASAP Squatter Removal resolved my squatter problem in just 3 days!”
“The team quickly and effectively regained control of my property and secured the premises,” read another.
“Our Neighborhood Watch group hired ASAP Squatter Removal to help with an unoccupied property that we suspected of having a squatter,” read a third. “James conducted surveillance to confirm there was a squatter, was able to get in contact with the property owner (which we hadn’t been able to do) and took up residency in the house while the squatter was out to make sure they didn’t return. After that, the owner fortified the property and we are squatter-free.”
ASAP Squatter Removal, according to its website, offers a number of other services. In addition to “Unwanted Occupant Removal,” these include “Property Defense,” Discreet Surveillance,” “Security Flaws Assessment,” and “Customizable Property Protection.”
Free consultations are available on the ASAP Squatter Removal website.