(NewsNation) — Billie Lourd reflected on her late mother Carrie Fisher, a day after she would have turned 69 years old.
Fisher, who starred in the “Star Wars” movie franchise, died in 2016 after suffering a heart attack.
“My mom would’ve been 69 years old today. Which still feels shockingly young because this is the 9th birthday of hers I’ve “celebrated” without her,” Lourd wrote on social media Tuesday.
“It feels like she has been dead so long that she should be 100 at this point?” the post continued. “It feels more okay for a 100-year-old person to be dead? But not a 69-year-old. Every time I meet someone older than her I’m secretly jealous. Why couldn’t she have lived as long as they have? Anyone out there who has lost a loved one too young can maybe relate?”
Billie Lourd: Mother Carrie Fisher will never meet her grandkids
Lourd also expressed sorrow over her mother never meeting her two children.
“She never got to meet her grandchildren and see them grow into the magical smart, hilarious kind creatures they are today,” she wrote.
Actress Carrie Fisher attends the 7th annual Governors Awards on Nov. 14, 2015, in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic) 
Mark Hamill, from right, and Billie Lourd, daughter of the late actress Carrie Fisher, pose with Fisher’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame alongside “Star Wars” characters C-3PO and R2-D2 on May 4, 2023. (AP Photo/Chris Pizzello) 
Billie Lourd attends “American Horror Story: Apocalypse” FYC event at NeueHouse Hollywood in Los Angeles. (Photo by Richard Shotwell/Invision/AP, File)
Lourd is the mother of 5-year-old son Kingston and daughter Jackson Joanne, who turns 3 later this year.
“The other night my son asked me how she died – I told him that she didn’t take care of her body – telling him the truth without telling him the whole truth,” she wrote.
Billie Lourd’s complicated emotions about Carrie Fisher’s death
Lourd said her son asking about Fisher broke her heart — but also caused her to be angry with her mother for no longer being alive. “It’s weird being mad at a dead person because you don’t really have anywhere to put the emotion,” she wrote.
“But it’s still there and I’ve had to learn to allow myself to feel all the things – mad at her for not getting sober but also sad for her that she wasn’t able to get sober but also happy that she existed at all,” she continued. “So I allowed myself to be mad for a moment but then realized I also do want her birthday to have some happy in it. Especially for my kids.”